I Should Have Been a Football Player

Shortly after the Superbowl, this was written:

I think I would have fun being a football player.

Running across a field dodging people sounds like an enjoyable experience.  Then again, I am sure if I actually made a touchdown, I would probably turn around and apologize to my opponent and try to give them a chance at winning.  I guess you can say I do not have a competitive spirit. So besides running and dodging people for fun I probably would not make a good football player. Also, I am not athletic by any stretch of the imagination. I guess I will scratch pro football for any future goals. Too bad because I hear its lucrative.

Actually, I am not even sure what goes on in a football game, except for a few things:

People get crazy excited and cheer and yell and scream. They often eat potato chips with sour cream and onion dip.  Or, if you live in Oregon, they eat organic non-GMO corn chips and salsa with that contains no sugar or preservatives. (Personally, there is just something about greasy Plain potato chips and sour cream and onion dip that nothing can effectively replace.) I know the sound of football games brings back memories. They make me think of the childhood joy of lazy Sunday afternoons, listening to the wind in the trees, parrots squawking, (yes you heard me right parrots) and of course, the calming sound of a football game. And the sound of my father yelling at the screen while he haphazardly irons his blue work shirt. I can still smell the smell of cornstarch.

I also know that college, football caused many people use the opportunity to come together and throw burgers on a grill and just have a lot of fun. And caused some people to drink way too much and do stupid things.  I remember the smell of barbecue permeating the air everywhere you went on a game day, and everyone was happy.

And, now in my life, there are no parrots, and no windy days. No one is outside trying to barbecue this time of year. (Okay, besides us). And we don't have cable television. So the only chance I will be exposed to football is if I am invited to a Superbowl party.

This is what I do while I watched the Superbowl party:  I notice things like how ridiculous HD television makes everything look because the colors are over saturated. I notice how graceful manly ball players can look in slow motion, and that my son is covered with processed cheese dip and has crumbs of chips glued all over himself. (This was his first time eating processed cheese food, I will record this in his baby book) And I notice the goofy faces people make, and I think about things like: "Does winning a football game really bring people all the happiness in the world they are looking for?" 

I also notice half time. How could I not notice it?  I probably could hear it and see it from across the country, if I listened and looked hard enough. Probably, half time should be more appropriately labeled a competition. A competition to see if this year could possibly outdo last year's sensational experience.  I just have a question..... I am not sure how much more sensational it can get before it just turns into an explosion, which probably no one would appreciate.  I reminisced back on an episode of the Simpsons where  Homer decided to create a half time show at the Superbowl. He wound up doing a Noah's ark theme. What would happen if (SURPRISE!) the entire half time was  about the great flood?

Perhaps if I lived this life over again I would try to understand football. Maybe it could be fun to get excited for a team and have a thrill of watching them win, but then I would have to live with the disappointment of seeing them loose, and if they did win, then I would have to bear my sorrow for the other team who lost. For now, I think I will just sit back and enjoy making fun of the referee's sour faces......Is there even a referee in football?